Good grief.

It's organised.

On Monday afternoon I shall be meeting a newspaper photographer, to be photographed. In a kilt.

A kilt which I still don't have.

There's no other adequate phrase, so I'll say it again: good grief.

I'd tell you exactly when and where it's happening, but I'd worry that you might come.

Can anyone lend me a kilt?

Hmm, a bit of a tricky problem here.

Shameless publicity seekers that we are, I've just been speaking to The Press, the local newspaper in York. They're interested in writing about our effort, which would of course be excellent. But, newspapers being what they are, and local newspapers being what they are, we need to produce an entertaining photograph to illustrate it. The upshot is that I've got until early next week to find a kilt that fits me. Preferably a very cheap one.

And then I need to wear it.

For a photograph.

In a newspaper.

Can anyone help?